2017 has been an odd year for the best and worst films. It got off to a brilliant start, with stonker after stonker being released every week. In the UK, the year usually gets off to a good start because that’s when we get the Oscar film released, but this year it was unusually good.
But then things changes. Good releases became hard to come by and some of the schlock that came out was just shocking in his crappiness. I’m depressed at how bad this top ten is just at the half-way stage because I get the feeling I’m might end up adding a lot to it for the end of the year list.
Anyway, hero goes. The worst films of 2017 so far. Just to note, we are classing a 2017 film as one released in the UK in 2017 – so some US movies may not make the cut. There’s still plenty of time in 2017 for more worst films candidates to appear.
10. Fast and Furious 8/ The Fate of the Furious
Yeah, it is always fashionable to beat on the popular blockbuster. But while I never truly liked the Fast and Furious films, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It is a momentously dull movie which thinks it is doing madcap action scenes that trademark crazy, but in fact are just the standard stuff you see in pretty much every film of this type. Add onto that a plot which goes for one of the clichés you pick from when you run out of ideas, turn one of the main characters into a villain.
The sad thing is they can’t even go for that fully, which makes it far less interesting. The performances are uniformly dull as well, with Charlize Theron ruining all the recent greatness she has been doing. Only saved from being higher up in this list thanks to an admittedly funny action scene involving Jason Statham and a baby. But let’s be honest, the franchise is spinning its wheels right now – resulting in one of the worst films so far this year.
While I am obviously a red bloody male that eats raw meat and chops wood in my spare meat, please don’t fact check this, I can get invested in a soppy romance, even one that does the cliché of having two people love each other not being able to get together for a contrived reason. So you know what, I thought that Rules Don’t Apply would be ok and could replace The Notebook as the go-to chick flick.
However the film forgets it is a romance half way through and becomes another Warren Beatty vehicle when he really should be moving aside for the new talent in the movie. Though considering the performance that Alden Ehrenreich puts in is most comparable to a 2×4 block of wood, maybe that’s why Beatty felt he needed to be the star. This is why romance films have a bad reputation, establishing this movie as one of the worst films of 2017.
I don’t subscribe to the idea that weddings are the worst thing in the world. When all said is done, they are basically lavish parties where middle aged people realise how low their alcohol tolerances are now, so they should be a lot of fun. But Table 19 is not fun. It’s not fun at all. It’s a very bad attempt at dramedy, as it likes any drama or comedy, something you’d think is important for a movie like this.
None of the various plots amount to much and the humour is so bad you mistake a major twist of the movie to be a joke. These sort of tonal shifts define the film, a movie that tries to go from emotional talks to pratfalls in a heartbeat and with all the grace of a three legged donkey. To top it all of, the end of the movie is awful as it misreads it’s own movie and decides that the worst character in the film should be the love interest with just a line. Terrible.
Unlike most critics, I thought the idea behind The Bye Bye Man was good. A monster that gets stronger the more you think about it is rather terrifying, as have you ever tried to stop thinking about something? It’s incredibly difficult. However the film has no idea what to do with this idea, so instead comes up with this CGI monster. CGI in a horror movie is terrible anyway but the effects in this film make Birdemic look like it was on the cutting edge of design.
Add into this a complete lack of atmosphere and actors that weren’t good enough to be the leads for the local school play, you have a movie that’s only this low on the list because it is actually funny how bad this movie gets.
6. Transformers: The Last Knight
A Transformers film was released this year. Which means it is on my Top 10 worst list. Ok, so it’s already guaranteed it’s not listing as badly as Age of Extinction did as that was my worst film of 2014 but that’s mainly because I’ve got used to how bad it is. It’s like that one meal of your mum’s that is just complete rubbish. You have it so much you get acclimatized to the taste so it’s not as bad.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget all the transgressions that The Last Knight makes. The incoherent action scenes, the overly long running time and the bizarre attempts of comedy are all here, alongside the dull and predictable trope of the hero turning evil. At least Fast and Furious took eight films to do that, not five.
If you ever read my review for Home which is buried on some other blog, you’ll know I have very little patience for bad animated movies. Just because they are for kids doesn’t mean you should be ok with them being bad. You don’t use this argument for anything else do you? ‘Well this can of Alphabetti Spaghetti was made with old Daily Mail clippings, but it’s ok it’s for kids’.
That’s why The Boss Baby angers me way more than it should. This is another lazy film with lazy humour that’s basically hoping that voice work from Alec Baldwin can carry it to being watching. It can’t, mainly because you can’t make sexual humour from a baby every funny, unless you on a government watchlist anyway. Another sign of Dreamworks’ descent and their ever increasing roster of poorly thought out flicks.
Writing about bad movies seems like it might be fun, because I’ll admit ripping apart a terrible movie is rather cathartic at times. But Fifty Shades Darker doesn’t really give you much to rip apart about it because not very much happens. Constantly the film raises an issue, a potential plot point which could be interesting to follow and might explore the characters in a meaningful way, then completely resolves it in the next scene. Stalker who is obsessed with being Christian Grey’s submissive when he is trying a ‘vanilla’ relationship?
Solved in a scene and forgotten. Christian Grey’s own dominant shows up? Solved in a scene and forgotten. Christian Grey goes down in a helicopter crash and goes missing? Solved in a scene and forgotten. It’s a film obsessed with it’s very tame and boring sex scenes and if it can’t deliver on that, what’s the point of it existing? Don’t worry though, there’s a third installment hitting us in 2018 – ready to claim a spot on that years worst films list.
An update to the Ring franchise makes sense. The threat of watching a cursed VHS tape is quite low, but I’ve seen so many messed up viral videos that I’ve probably been cursed already and not even realise it. It would explain all the demons in my walls anyway. And yet for reasons I have no idea about, Rings decides to ignore all that and be the dullest movie it can be. Are there scares in this film? I’m not entirely sure because the film is far more interesting into exploring the mystery of the Ring girl, which makes it so much less scarier.
Let’s make it clear to budding horror directors, the less we know, the scarier it is. But no, here we get a lot of explanation and very few scares which makes for a film that is absolutely mind numbing.One of the worst revivals in 2017, and one of the worst films to come out of the year.
Comedy is subjective, which means that there is a chance that someone actually liked Fist Fight. I don’t want to meet that person though as I simply can’t work out how anyone could find this funny. Firstly there is the complete miscasting of Charlie Day, someone who on It’s Always Sunny On Philadelphia is an amazing ball of manic madness but here is a bland boring teacher is mostly shrill about the fact he has to fight Ice Cube in the movie. The rest of the characters are all meant to be wacky, but in fact are infuriating as their comedy is more about offending your sensibilities than actually coming up with interesting lines.
I mean, the main joke this film has. The film also thinks it has an actual social message, which is the only funny thing about the movie because it dares to think it has some intelligence than the brain dead movie it actually is. It’s easily one of the worst films in 2017.
Some movies should not be in cinemas. Some should be stuck on a channel that is deep in the TV guide and be forgotten as the tax write-offs they were always intended to be. But when films like that, films like Unforgettable, do end in the cinema, they go to the top of this list. Because this is just the worst thriller, one that is insanely predictable and filled with everything that makes a movie terrible. Moronic characters that should really get what’s about to happen? Check. Common sense solutions never being thought of and instead stupid plans which of course don’t work happen?
Check. An absolutely insane ending where one character basically turns into the terminator and it is expected to be a thrilling scene rather than B-movie schlock? Check. This is a movie which makes everyone in it look worse and if you ever wanted Rosario Dawson to be the lead in her own movie, well this film killed that dead and has consigned her to be the supporting character in someone else’s story forever.
It’s the absolute worst and a tragic showcase of just how bad the worst films of 2017 can be.